Unconscious Contracts: A Revolutionary Approach to Healing Food Dysfunction

Have you ever found yourself eating something you promised you wouldn't, then felt that crushing wave of shame afterward? Or perhaps you've white-knuckled your way through days of "perfect eating" only to feel exhausted and disconnected from joy? I've been there too, and I want to share a profound shift in perspective that has brought peace where there was once struggle.

Watch the Masterclass: Unconscious Contracts and Food Patterns

Beyond Addiction: A Compassionate View of Our Food Struggles

For so long, many of us have carried the heavy burden of shame around our food choices. We've labeled ourselves as "addicts," fought against our cravings as if they were enemies, and viewed our struggles as moral failings. This perspective often leaves us feeling more broken, not less.

But what if there's a gentler truth about our relationship with food?

Sarah Peyton, the compassionate author of Your Resonant Self, introduces us to "unconscious contracts" – the tender agreements we made with ourselves when we needed comfort and protection. These aren't character flaws; they're the creative ways your younger self found to feel safe in an overwhelming world.

The Brilliant Way You Learned to Comfort Yourself

Think about that moment when, as a child, you felt deeply alone or misunderstood. Perhaps no one noticed when you came home from school upset, or your emotional needs were overlooked in a busy household. In those moments, finding comfort in certain foods wasn't weakness—it was wisdom.

As Gabor Maté compassionately suggests, what we call problematic eating patterns is often "a natural response to unnatural circumstances, an attempt to soothe the pain of injuries incurred in childhood and stress sustained in adulthood."

Your relationship with certain comfort foods served an essential purpose. These weren't simply cravings; they were creative solutions your mind and body found to:

• Find a moment of peace when life felt chaotic
• Feel comforted when no one else was there to hold you
• Create a sense of safety when the world felt threatening
• Give yourself pleasure when joy was scarce

This isn't about blame or judgment. It's about acknowledging, with deep compassion, that you did the best you could with the resources you had available. And that deserves honor, not shame.

Understanding the Emotional Needs Behind Our Food Choices

Our hearts and bodies speak different languages. When we feel emotionally depleted, our bodies search for physical solutions that might help.

Researcher Jaak Panksepp studied the emotional circuits all mammals share: seeking, care, panic/grief, fear, rage, play, and sexuality. When we experience deficits in circuits related to care and comfort—which naturally produce oxytocin and endogenous opioids—our seeking circuit activates, driving us toward substances that provide temporary relief.

This isn't weakness or lack of willpower. It's your brain trying its best to help you feel better the only way it knows how.

Think about times when you've felt deeply alone, unseen, or overwhelmed. Perhaps food became a reliable friend—always there, never judging, providing immediate comfort. When human connection felt complicated or unsafe, that chocolate bar or bag of chips offered unconditional comfort.

Healing Through Gentle Awareness: The Unconscious Contracts Process

Healing begins with compassionate understanding. The process of identifying and releasing unconscious contracts isn't about forcing change—it's about bringing tenderness to parts of ourselves that have been carrying heavy burdens.

Here's how this gentle process unfolds:

1. Meet your relationship with a specific food with curiosity - Which food has a particularly strong emotional pull for you?
2. Listen to what this food has provided for you - Rather than judging, can you get curious about what emotional need this food has met?
3. Acknowledge the contract with gratitude - Can you recognize the way this food has served as a faithful friend during difficult times?
4. Consider whether this contract still serves your highest good - With compassion, ask if you're ready to find other ways to meet this need
5. Discover direct pathways to meet your emotional needs - What might nurture you more directly than food can?

Let me share a personal story. For years, I struggled with nut butters despite successfully abstaining from sugar and flour. Through this process, I discovered that nut butters gave me something precious—a feeling of being above the clouds on a mountaintop, away from all responsibilities and demands. It wasn't about the taste; it was about finding sanctuary in a chaotic world.

By recognizing what nut butters truly provided—a moment of peace and respite—I could honor their role in my life while finding more direct ways to meet that need. I began taking short walks in the forest near my home, discovering that same sense of sanctuary in nature that I had been seeking in food.

The Tender Promises We've Made With Food

When we listen deeply to our relationship with food, we often discover beautiful promises that have sustained us through difficult times. Some common unconscious contracts sound like:

"I will comfort you when no one else notices your pain." "You'll never have to feel so alone again." "I will be here for you when humans are too complicated." "I will help you feel safe in your body when the world feels threatening." "I will help you soften your power and strength when it doesn't feel safe to be fully yourself."

Each of these promises speaks to a deep human need—for comfort, connection, safety, or self-expression. Rather than judging these needs, can we honor them as essential parts of our humanity?

One workshop participant realized her relationship with a particular comfort food began as a vital lifeline during a painful childhood. As she put it: "I think this food literally saved my life as a child. I don't know that I would still be here without it."

When she recognized this food not as an enemy but as a faithful friend that had helped her survive, she could say "thank you for your service" with genuine gratitude rather than resentment.

Releasing With Love, Not Shame

Perhaps the most healing aspect of this approach is that we release these patterns through love and gratitude rather than through force or shame.

When we view certain foods as enemies or temptations, we remain locked in a battle that depletes our energy and joy. But when we recognize these foods as faithful companions that helped us through difficult times, we can release them with genuine appreciation.

Imagine thanking a comfort food the way you might thank a childhood teddy bear that got you through scary nights—with tenderness for how it helped you feel safe when nothing else could.

This doesn't mean you'll necessarily continue eating foods that no longer serve your wellbeing. But it means you approach change from a place of self-compassion rather than self-punishment. And paradoxically, this gentler approach often leads to more lasting transformation.

As one participant shared after releasing her contract with a comfort food: "I can look at it now and it doesn't bother me at all. I don't want to keep it around as a 'just in case.' I just don't want that anymore." The compulsion that once felt overwhelming simply dissolved when approached with understanding rather than force.

Nurturing Yourself Directly: Beyond Food as Comfort

As we release our unconscious contracts with food, we create space to discover more direct ways to meet our emotional needs. This isn't about deprivation—it's about abundance, finding multiple pathways to comfort, peace, and joy.

If you've relied on food for comfort, perhaps you might explore:

• The warmth of genuine connection in supportive relationships
• The profound peace of meditation or moments in nature
• The gentle comfort of self-care rituals
• The grounding power of movement that feels good in your body
• The joy of creative expression or playful activities

One participant who had relied on food when feeling overwhelmed discovered that a 20-second hug provided the oxytocin her body was truly craving. Another found that brief walks in nature gave her the same sense of "rising above the chaos" that certain foods had provided.

The beauty of this approach is that you're not giving up comfort—you're finding more reliable, lasting sources of it. You're not abandoning self-care—you're discovering more direct pathways to nurture yourself.

Your Invitation: Exploring Your Own Unconscious Contracts

If you're curious about your own relationship with food, I invite you to approach this exploration with gentleness and curiosity. Here are some questions you might reflect on:

1. What food feels like it has an especially strong emotional pull for you? Can you get specific about exactly which food?
2. If you imagine this food could speak, what might it say about how it's tried to help or comfort you?
3. When did this relationship begin? Was there a time in your life when this food became especially important?
4. What does this food provide that might be difficult to find elsewhere? Safety? Comfort? A sense of control? A moment of peace?
5. How might you honor this food for the role it has played in your life, even as you explore other ways to meet these needs?

Remember, this exploration isn't about forcing change—it's about bringing understanding to patterns that have often been judged harshly. There's no rush and no perfect way to do this. Your journey of healing deserves patience and tenderness.

This work can be especially powerful when done with compassionate support. Consider exploring these questions with a trusted friend, therapist, or coach who can hold space for your discoveries without judgment.

A Compassionate Path Forward

The unconscious contracts approach offers a radical alternative to the shame and struggle that so many of us have experienced around food. Instead of battling against our cravings as enemies, we can understand them as messengers pointing toward deeper needs.

This isn't about finding yet another way to control our eating. It's about healing the wounds that drive our food patterns in the first place. When we address these deeper needs with kindness, our relationship with food often shifts naturally, without the exhausting effort of constant vigilance and willpower.

As one participant shared after releasing her contract with a food that had both comforted and controlled her for decades: "I feel very relaxed. I don't want to have it just in case anymore. I don't want that anymore." The change came not from forcing herself to give up this food, but from truly understanding what it had provided and finding other sources of that same comfort.

So many factors have shaped your relationship with food—your earliest experiences, the culture around you, and the creative ways you've learned to comfort yourself in a sometimes difficult world. You deserve compassion, not judgment, for all the ways you've tried to take care of yourself.

If you're ready to explore this gentle, transformative approach in more depth, I invite you to watch the complete masterclass. You'll see a live demonstration of the unconscious contracts release process, learn about the emotional circuits that drive our food behaviors, and discover practical ways to bring this healing approach into your daily life.

I'd love to hear about your experiences with this approach. What unconscious contracts have you discovered in your relationship with food? What has helped you find peace where there was once struggle? Your story matters and may help others find their own path to healing.

Watch the Masterclass: Unconscious Contracts and Food Dysfunction

Ready to explore this approach in more depth? Watch the complete masterclass where I walk through this process step-by-step, including a live demonstration of the unconscious contracts release process and detailed explanations of the emotional circuits that drive our food behaviors.

If you see possibility here, reach out: Free 20 Min Discovery Session with Sonja

Have you discovered unconscious contracts in your relationship with food? I'd love to hear about your experiences in the comments below.